Will you ever have another?

Ever since Bridger was born the question has always popped up "when are you going to have another baby?"  Mostly from my dad but as Bridger got older the question continued to pop up from even more people.  The kid was only 3 months old!  I can't blame them for wanting us to make more awesome kids like Bridger.
Then Bridger got sick.  What surprised me more than anything is that instead of ceasing the talk of future babies it increased it.  Possibly because we were so against it.  The question changed from "when" to "WILL you ever have another baby?"  For a long time it was always absolutely not.

Why would I make another sick baby?

Why would I make another child suffer?

Why would a make a sibling watch his/her older brother suffer through seizures and have pills being forced into his gut over and over again?

It is too expensive to have have TWO sick babies.

The list could go on forever.   

Things have started to change for our family.  Bridger has done better than any of the doctors thought possible.  Shamefully even better than I thought possible.  Jake always knew Bridger would pull through and at times I resented him for it because I could never see it.  We are becoming more comfortable with the cards that have been dealt to us.  We are stronger parents and a stronger couple because of Bridger.  To answer your two questions:

"Will you ever have another baby:"                             

YES

I have read many posts about blogs that are written about having babies because you CAN have babies.  This is not the case for us.  We want to have another baby because Bridger NEEDS a sibling.  He loves other children and babies and he NEEDS that connection.  Sibling love and friendship is not something that parents can provide.  Despite the small chance that we could have another sick baby it is worth giving Bridger that companionship.  Bridger will have the capability of buoying up a sick sibling and comforting them in a way that we cannot as parents.  He will be a strength not only to his sibling in illness but in health and achievements.  He will be able to lead and be an example of how hard work, persistence, faith, and determination pays off.  It is amazing to me how strong little souls can be.  How could I possibly deny that opportunity for Bridger and his future sibling(s)?        

"When will you have another baby:"    

This is a harder question to answer.  Bridger is on his last week of Sabril.  We do not know when we will start to wean him off of the Phenobarbital.  As far as we know he has not had any seizures.  As I have mentioned the age of 2 is generally when it is determined whether or not your child will continue to have seizures or not.  Jake and I both feel like it would be best if we wait until we are at least off of the Phenobarbital and past the 2 year mark.  I would also like Bridger to be walking and possibly saying some words other than baby swear words.  That is all I can give you for that question.

We know that someday Bridger will have a sibling.  In fact we have both had dreams about this future sibling.  We even know the gender!  Weird I know but dreams are kind of special in our family.  I have personally had many dreams that have come true.  Some good others not.  I dreamed about my first child being a baby boy and I also dreamed about Bridger relapsing with his seizures...among other things.  

Hopefully these answers will keep all of you crazy-baby-hungry people *cough*-grandparents-*cough* at bay for awhile.  There will definitely be another baby Stallings, just be patient.  Bridger has some important older sibling duties to fulfill and an amazing relationship to establish. 

What a great future to look forward to.   

                    

                   

EEG & MRI Results

 

In case anyone is wondering a 24hr EEG is not NEARLY as exciting as it sounds.  Fortunately for our family they let Bridger crawl around and play.  It would have been awful if they hadn't.  As you can imagine Bridger wasn't too pleased to have hundreds of little electrodes taped tightly to his head.  He pulled and tugged and got strung up in everything.

We managed to survive :)

The results came back....CLEAN.  He no longer has the hypsarrythmia, which sometimes I question because he sure acts crazy all the time!  The neurologist did mention that his right side (where the subdural was) still seemed to be SLIGHTLY slower than the left.  It was almost not noticeable but with Bridger's unique history we decided to get an MRI done sooner rather than later.  

If you ever have to get an MRI done I definitely recommend going to the Riverton location.  A little bit out of the way but worth it.  The staff is much nicer there.  Or maybe they just heard of the "psycho mom" reputation.  Either way it was a great experience.  Bridger handled everything like a champ.  He loves to clap right now and even in his groggy drunken state he clapped for himself.  He also was able to make it out of the building with the nurses badge.  In his groggy drunken state.  Slow clap for Bridger!

Plus they have cool toys!

The MRI results also came back clean.  Yay!  The neurologist explained that we all have a side that is a little bit slower than the other.  It is just better to be safe than sorry with Bridger.  He always seems to pull something crazy.  

Now we are almost done with weaning Bridger off of the Sabril.  Many people ask me if I have noticed a difference with Bridger.  Honestly not a whole lot.  He is eating better but personality and developmentally he seems to be the same.  I would like to blame the clingy whiney stage he is in right now on the Sabril wean but I'm pretty sure that is just a "normal" baby thing.  Whatever that means.  

At this point we are trying to get used to the idea of having a "normal" future with our son.  By normal I mean not a sick kid future which is what most kids future is.  So I hear.  Normal for us until recently was a sick one.  Now we have to change our idea of normal again to the other normal....if that makes sense.  It is kind of confusing. 

We are definitely always going to be on our toes.  Despite all of Bridger's progress we are still not out of the woods yet.  The hedge is thinning but the seizures could always come back or turn into something else.  At this point it is a waiting game.  Reaching the age of 2 is generally when the seizures either stop for good or come back as something else.  There are cases of older ages but I'm crossing my fingers Bridger doesn't pull another crazy.  

Aside from all the medical aspects Bridger has blossomed.  He is an all-star crawler and could be an all-star walker if he chose to.  He is a stubborn little guy.  Just like his daddy.  He will do it on his own time so again we get to wait.  He loves to chat and still has no concept of stranger danger.  He's our own special normal.  I don't know how we got this lucky but we'll take it.  Nothing seems to beat our little Bridger.  

Except maybe nap time.