Welcome to Holand and My Thoughts

Every one of us makes plans, goals, or dreams.  It is human nature to do that.  We get ourselves into a routine and stick to the plan to get what we want right?  It's incredible how hard we try to make things work exactly how we want them to.  Human beings are driven by their routines and when something interrupts it their entire world either crumbles apart or completely changes.
The question is can we accept the changes or will we become stuck?  So often small or big things will come into a person's life and they just can't quite adapt to it.  They become stuck, lost, and confused.  This brings about a sense of incompleteness in a person's life and they can wander around forever trying to fill that.  It's like playing "chop-sticks" and the key to last two notes is broken.  It will drive you crazy!  This can lead to a lot of negative outcomes if you don't accept and adapt.
I was shown a wonderful story about accepting and adapting to unpredictable circumstances.  It is originally about what it is like having a developmentally delayed child but I feel it can be applied to many cases.  It has given me a better outlook on my family's current situation with little Bridger.  Sure we've gotten ourselves into a completely different situation than what we expected.  We were able to accept it and adapt to it, although it was not easy.  I often have to remember that there are still good things about our new life.

1. Bridger is alive and here with me.
2. Even on his worst days he still wants to come and cuddle with me.
3. He is smiling again and if it goes away I know it will always come back.
4. This has not ruined our marriage, we are much stronger.
5. Not only that but our entire family is much closer now.

There are still good things about being somewhere that we totally did not plan for.  It is hard to see those we know living the life we planned.  It still hurts sometimes.  Regardless there is still beauty to be found over here even though it is sometimes hard to find.  Accept and adapt to those interruptions and you'll never regret it.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by

Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

(I love this poem.  It explains not only what it is like to have a disabled child but also what it is like just in general when things just don't seem to go the way you planned.  This really hit home for me.  I hope it helps others in some small way as well.)